


When You Called Me Home

by childofmalin



Series: When The Sea Called Us Home [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Confessions, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Beta Read, So much angst, jaemin is ill, jeno is still a lonely lighthouse keeper, no smut buuuuut sexual content, renjun is a merman and a king
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childofmalin/pseuds/childofmalin
Summary: After Renjun leaves him, Jeno fights with himself and his feelings. Jaemin helps him through it, though Jeno can't let go of Renjun.Until they meet again.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: When The Sea Called Us Home [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2152599
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	When You Called Me Home

**Author's Note:**

> This took me sooo long damn. I'm currently working on 4 differnt fics though, so I'm hoping to upload more.  
> Anyways, here's the last part of the series and before you read: there's sexual content, anxiety and homophobia included!! Also, not a lot of fluff.  
> But I hope u enjoy anyways lol 
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters I used in the stories are ONLY inspired by the real owners of the names. I don't want to make ANYONE uncomfortable. Also, my intention is not to ship these people in real life or to assume their sexuality. Please keep that in mind!

Silence comes with a lot of things. 

It comes with peace. 

It comes with loneliness. 

It comes with a loved one leaving.

And it might also come with a lot of time to think. 

That's exactly what Jeno does after Renjun leaves him. He thinks. He thinks a lot. About himself. About his feelings and his fears and his insecurities. And he realizes quite a lot of things. But the thought that keeps him up at night is, _why didn't he say it back_? 

It's a thought that is so uncomfortable yet so deeply burned into Jeno's mind that he just cannot stop thinking about it. Sometimes he even wonders what would've happened if he had said it back. If it would have changed anything. Of course, he wishes and dreams. He tries to understand this thought and himself. It's not much to ask for is it? It should feel good to say it, the want alone should be nice. Right? That's what Jeno thinks. 

When he goes upstairs to clean the metal that reflects the light everyday, he thinks something tries to hold him back. He doesn't want to acknowledge it, but it really feels like it does. A hurting feeling in his chest, weighing his body down, making it feel far too heavy for him to carry and walk down the stairs again. So he stays up there for hours, eyes searching the sea restlessly. It scares him. It does. Everything about himself scares him. It's not hatred, why would it be? It's love, he's sure of it. No, no there it is again. Pain. Endless pain like a swirling storm in his insides. 

He throws up once he went down the stairs again, it's too much. Love. He hates it. Hates the word, why? Why. It's not hate. It's not love, is it? It's not love. Then what is it? Desire? For what? A small body in his hold, lips hot and heart thundering against his chest, moans spilling out of that sweet mouth of his. Sinful. Frightening. Not desire. He can't. Jeno can't bare it. It's almost like these feelings didn't bother to come up during the first time Renjun had left. But now they are here, poisoning his mind and his body, making it harder to eat, harder to drink, harder to work. Harder to live.

Maybe he should go see a doctor. Maybe they will know how to treat him, his sick mind filled with a boy, a _man_ , who told him those sacred words. Oh, how he thinks of him so dearly. Almost like he _does_ love him. Almost like he _wants_ to say it back. Maybe he does. Sometimes there are moments when Jeno just stands on the rocks and looks at where the water meets the shore, imagining how Renjun would stand there like he did a month ago. And then he imagines him saying it in his beautiful language, twice. Like he wants to make sure Jeno hears it, understands it. He counts the days, still. Five, he had said. What a liar.

With a dizzy mind and a still bitter taste on his tongue, he walks to the spot. And then he screams, from the top of his lungs “ **I love you, too!** ” and there are tears on his cheeks and everything is spinning and then, he sinks onto his knees. It's better. It feels okay. He is okay. Nothing will happen to him, is what he thinks. “I love you too, Renjun... Why won't you come back. Why won't you…” It's ridiculous, how he talks to himself, weeping like a child. But somehow, he needs this. It feels like he's letting go of something. He suddenly knows he'll be okay.

It takes Jeno this long to accept his feelings. To not feel disgusting or filthy for loving Renjun. He knew it already, though it never felt quite right. Jeno had tried many things to get rid of these thoughts, going so far as coaxing himself into believing Renjun had been a girl all along. But it didn't work. Not at all. It made everything worse because it didn't feel right. Now, Jeno has accepted his love. And it feels good. Until he suddenly isn't alone anymore. 

A few weeks after he accepts that he likes men, that someone finally comes to help him with work. His name is Jaemin. He has short and wild black hair and a brilliant smile. He's cheerful and sweet and undeniably handsome. The first days with him are a pleasant surprise. Not only does he help him in the lighthouse, he also cooks for him and makes his bed and cleans the living room. And even though he talks a lot, he never expects Jeno to say anything back. Jeno naturally grows to like Jaemin fast. They get along well. 

“Jeno, I found a tiny seashell under your pillow. I was wondering if-” Jeno's eyes widen. “Jeno? Are you alright? I can put it back, if you want me to” 

“No” Jeno swallows down all of the upcoming feelings and carefully takes the shell out of Jaemin's hand. It must have fallen out of Renjun's hair. 

“It belongs to someone special. I'm glad you found it,” He murmurs and awkwardly nods, before going up the stairs to his small room. Jaemin doesn't follow him or so he thinks, so Jeno sits down on his mattress, holding the mussel in his hand like it's the most precious item. To him it is. “I miss you,” He whispers and looks at it shimmering in the dim light. It looks so tiny yet so beautiful and special. Jeno thinks back to how they used to look like on Renjun, braided into his hair. His heart seizes at the memory. 

“I'm sorry to bother you, but may I ask who it belonged to?” Jaemin's soft voice makes Jeno almost jump, he quickly blinks back his forming tears and turns to him. 

“It belonged to someone I loved,” Jeno answers after a while. “No, that is wrong. It belongs to someone I still love. But this person left me a while ago” He tries his best to sound somewhat like his usual self, all grumpy and disinterested, but he fails miserably. 

To his surprise, Jaemin smiles warmly and sits down next to him, placing a hand on Jeno's, the one that isn't holding Renjun's mussel. “Something similar happened to me as well. Someone I loved promised to stay with me forever, but then he left…” 

“He..?” Jeno looks at him in surprise. Could there be a chance that this boy was like him? He feels Jaemin's hand immediately leave his, his face getting red, nervously biting his bottom lip. 

“D-did I say he? I meant she, of course, what else, right, haha…” “No, did you mean it? Did you actually mean to say he?,” Jeno asks again, his heart beginning to beat faster. This, it is new. And good. He begs for this to be true. 

“Oh lord, forgive me. Yes, I meant to say he, Jeno. I like men. Fire me now, send me back or drown me in the sea, I don't care-” “You really think I would do that?” A small smile forms on his lips. “The someone I love is also a boy. You're safe here,” He says. And Jaemin dares to look into his eyes again, his expression going from afraid to happy. 

“Oh lord, I take that back then!” 

Jeno's life is good. He's not lonely, he has a friend and a colleague. He doesn't spend hours staring at the sea anymore, waiting for his lover to come back, he goes to bed early and his nights are dreamless. When he wakes up, it's because of the lovely smell of breakfast and when he goes into his kitchen, Jaemin grins at him brightly. It's good. 

The weather changes, too. It snows, once, twice. It gets so cold that Jaemin and Jeno decide to sleep in the living room together, right in front of the oven and it works. Jeno doesn't push him back when Jaemin comes to cuddle him under the blanket. It feels nice. But then it gets warmer again and Jaemin takes him to the town to go shop for groceries and food. They take their time there, just talking with people, about their lives, work and war, but frankly, Jaemin is able to wind himself out of the conversation after seeing how uncomfortable Jeno gets with the topic. 

War was something Jeno has almost forgotten about. But now he is here, with other people, other _humans_ just like him and they brought him back to reality in a way. An unpleasant way. 

“I wanted to be recruited, but they told me to stay here instead. I was upset about it for a long time,” He explains during their way back home. Jaemin nods and places a hand on his shoulder. 

“It might be for the best. Something similar happened to me as well. Only that the reason was my disease” He says it like it's something casual. A disease. An illness. Jeno would have never thought. Aside from Jaemin getting exhausted pretty fast. But what could possibly be so bad? 

“I-... I'm sorry to hear that,” is the only thing Jeno can think of saying. But Jaemin just laughs and shrugs, again, like it's nothing to be worried about. 

“It's fine” His smile is weird. Jeno doesn't trust his words nor his handsome face. “It's only my body after all” 

Jeno doesn't know how they end up like this. Lips crashing as soon as they get inside, Jeno kissing him against the wall, his mind blank. When he slides a hand under Jaemin's shirt to touch his burning skin, he moans against his lips. It's good. It feels good and Jeno forgets everything when Jaemin gets on his knees and takes him into his mouth, hot and wet and his eyes are glazed over when he looks up to Jeno who does his very best not to make a noise or lose self control. But can you blame him? It's his first time receiving something like _this_ and it almost feels surreal. 

Like he's floating, feet above the ground and everything spins. He only feels Jaemin, only hears him. Everything is good. 

He presses Jaemin into his sheets later, returning the favor with his hand and he watches the boy writhe and whine and shake as he spills all over his hand and his sheets. They sleep in his bed, naked and dirty and lazy. And everything is good. 

That's what Jeno tries to tell himself whenever he can. Sometimes it really does feel like everything is perfect, but he can't pretend like he didn't think of Renjun most of the time, his name on his tongue when he came down Jaemin's throat. Or that he imagined touching Renjun like he touched Jaemin and made him feel so good. Jaemin is pretty and sweet and Jeno could fall for him in seconds if Renjun wasn't on his mind. He genuinely starts to worry about him. What is the reason for the long wait? Something might have happened to him, maybe he needs help and Jeno is here, with another man in his bed, telling himself everything is fine when he knows it's not. But he doesn't want to feel guilty, because he knows it's Renjun's fault for making him feel this way. He should probably be angry at him and just lose hope, start to forget him and go on. But something in him just tells him he can't. 

And he doesn't want to. His heart still belongs to the beautiful boy from the sea and he prays for him to be safe and come back soon, so that he can finally say the unspoken words to him personally. But hope only lasts so long. And time never lasts at all. 

Jeno cherishes every moment with Jaemin and enjoys it to the very extent, because he is tired of mourning. Even when he thinks of Renjun, he tries to think of Jaemin as well. He genuinely likes him and he tries to show him. With smiles and kisses and pleasure. But even Jaemin notices the way he zones out or sinks into the depth of his own thoughts one too many times. It doesn't take long for him to question his behavior. 

“Jeno, I know you love someone else, but why don't you tell me what's wrong? Why can't you just go see him, what happened?” The words sound bitter in Jeno's ears. He despises these types of questions. 

“You probably won't believe me when I tell you,” He just says with a sad smile. Jaemin frowns. 

“That's what they all say when it comes to the truth,” He responds without hesitation and it makes Jeno sigh. There's nothing to hide. Not anymore. He doesn't need to hide. He has already stepped on the path of losing hope anyways. 

“It was at the beginning of winter, just when it started to get cold. I was sitting in the kitchen, smoking, listening to the radio like I always did…” 

It's like he's letting go of something heavy he didn't know he had been carrying around. He tells him everything. Every detail. From the first encounter to the first spoken words, to their first touches and Renjun's departure. He tells him how he came back to him, how much he'd missed him. Tells him about their first fight and their first kiss and Renjun's promise. This part hurts the most. When Jaemin takes his hand, he feels better. Then he tells him about how he left and his very last words. Those precious words. Those damned words. And Jaemin is quiet by the end, his eyes filled with emotions Jeno can't read. 

“This all must feel horrible,” He finally whispers and softly strokes the rough skin of his hand. “But he has his own life in the sea. He probably has a family, friends, duties. And from what you've told me, I'm sure he feared going back but had to. Maybe he has to sort out his own life and his own struggles before coming back to you. I'm certain he will once he can” 

It sounds so true that Jeno can't do anything else than just nod and sigh. Renjun will come back once he can. He's sure of it as well. 

The next day, something happens that Jeno should have seen coming. It's when they both go up to the top of the lighthouse, Jeno in the front, that he suddenly realizes Jaemin isn't following him upstairs. And when he looks back he feels his heart seize at the sight. Jaemin has his hand on the railing, but he doesn't move. He looks like he's about to faint. As fast as he can, Jeno rushes down the stairs. 

He can hear him breathe, but it's more wheezing than breathing and it breaks his heart. “Jeno… I need a moment,” He whispers and the older immediately sits down on the stairs and carefully seats Jaemin on his lap. 

He doesn't say anything and neither does Jaemin, who is just resting against his chest, trying to breathe steadily. It happened once before, but not this bad. They had kissed on his bed, Jeno's hands in his pants when he suddenly stopped him. “Wait, my lungs,” he'd said calmly, as if he was used to it already. 

They stay like this for a while, Jeno gently stroking the skin of Jaemin's neck, whose breathing slowly goes back to normal. 

“Jeno…?”

“Mh”

“I might have to go back home soon. I don't want to be a burden. My condition is about to get worse and I won't be able to help you with work, so-” 

“Wait… what does that mean? Get worse? What is going to happen to you?” Jeno tries his very best not to make his voice sound shaky. Jaemin hasn't told him anything else about his disease. And it's clear he is in danger, but just how severe could his symptoms get? 

“Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just have to go to a doctor soon,” He reassuringly tells him and slowly stands up. But he clutches his hand on his chest. Jeno can see that he's in pain. 

“Alright, I will bring you. Now” He already starts walking to the boat, but Jaemin stops him by grabbing his wrist. 

“Not now… I want to stay the night, please,” He says quietly and something about his expression tells Jeno that he's going to leave him just like Renjun did. Never coming back again. And as much as it angers him, he doesn't fight the feeling of sadness this time.

“If that's your wish, so be it” 

Jaemin sleeps in his arms. But Jeno can't get himself to close his eyes and rest. He hears Jaemin breathe and it sounds strained, like it takes effort to get air inside his lungs. He has heard him breathing like that before but now it's worse. Every breath dragged and painful. Getting more silent, slowing down. And then suddenly it stops. 

“Jaemin?” 

It's quiet. Jeno immediately sits up and shakes his body in an attempt to wake him up. 

“Jaemin?? God… Jaemin, Jaemin!” 

He doesn't move, nor does he open his eyes and say something back. Panicked, Jeno leans down to press his ear to his chest. The slow beat of his heart is still there. 

With a little bit of hope, he picks Jaemin up, rushing down the stairs. With bare feet and a dying boy on his back he almost trips on the sharp stones. Everything is blurred, Jeno hears his own heart pounding in his ears. All he can think of is help. He _needs_ to get help. But the boat is not an option, so he has to think fast and the idea in his head is stupid, but he makes his choice. His legs walk him into the water themselves, waves hitting against knees with every step he takes. The black ocean swallows him slowly, but his voice doesn't fade. 

“ _Renjun_ !,” He shouts his name. “ _Renjun_!!” Over and over again, holding Jaemin to his back as he walks until the sea takes them in. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeno's home is warm. There's not a single thing in here that Renjun doesn't recognize again. When he finds the seashell on Jeno's drawer, he smiles fondly. It must've fallen out of his hair during his time here. He wonders if Jeno has kept it to remember him or if he kept it to give it back. Renjun wishes deeply he didn't keep it to remember him. He wishes deeply that Jeno knew he'd come back again. 

But he's here now, instead of coming back, Jeno came to him instead. He came to him in the desperate attempt to save someone he loves and as much as it breaks Renjun's heart, he admires his courage and trust. He came to Renjun because he knew he'd help. And Renjun did. Because watching people drown again would have broken him. And losing Jeno would've broken him even more. This time, he was able to do something, to help. So he ordered his people to bring the other boy to the city and heal him, while Renjun took Jeno to the surface again. 

Now he is resting on the couch, a blanket thrown over his limp body. He is still unconscious, but he is breathing. Renjun knows he'll be fine. 

It feels wrong to sit here and watch him, feels like Renjun doesn't deserve to be here. Or see Jeno again. He broke the promise. He made him wait. He didn't come back himself. Renjun wants to scream and cry and beg for forgiveness. But instead, he just looks at Jeno and asks himself how he could possibly explain himself and apologize. Jeno wouldn't understand. He _can't_ understand. Yet it feels like he's losing himself in the sight of the one he loves without understanding his human words every single time he looks at him. So there might be a way. Even though Renjun knows there isn't. There's a crown on his head. Made out of corals and pearls. And a bracelet on his wrist. Reminding him of his bound to another. An arranged engagement that came with his duty to rule over his people. 

Suddenly, Jeno coughs and Renjun rushes to take his face into his hands and watch as he opens his eyes. 

“Jeno… Jeno, you're back,” He whispers softly with worried eyes and when Jeno looks at him deeply he wants to smile and kiss him. But Jeno doesn't. He doesn't smile, nor does he look at Renjun with the same adoration. 

Instead, he asks for his friend. _Jaemin._ Renjun catches the name and it hurts, but he doesn't try to show it. 

“He's alright, don't worry,” Renjun explains and forces himself to smile just a little bit. So Jeno can understand. He does. But he takes Renjun's hands from his face and stands up without sparing him another glance. He walks into his kitchen and grabs a cigarette, lighting it while staring out of his window. 

Renjun swallows. “M-my people can heal him. But he won't be able to breathe with his lungs ever again. He is now one of… _my people_ ” His voice gets smaller with every word. He wants to sound like a king, he wants to sound strong and wise. But he can't. Not when he sees Jeno go tense, knuckles turning white, his fist slightly shaking. He's angry. At Renjun. But this time, he won't cry and let Renjun touch him, this time he won't let him sleep in his bed and kiss his lips.

“ _Go_ ,” is all he says quietly, still watching the ocean outside. And Renjun wants to come closer and sink into his arms, he still wants to stay. But he leaves. His tears only start rolling once he's outside. 

But then he realizes the clothes on his body. He took them from Jeno. Before he goes back to the city, he wants to leave them here. He pulls Jeno's shirt over his head and looks at it, then he buries his head in the fabric and sobs into it. This might be the last time he sees Jeno. This might be the end. And even though he doesn't want to believe it, he knows either way there is no future with this human boy. After he stepped out of the rest of the clothes, he goes back to the lighthouse and steps in, laying the clothes on the floor. 

“Renjun-” Jeno is looking at him. He's… Surprised. He asks him why he came back and Renjun points at the clothes on the floor. Jeno, still stunned, suddenly comes closer and embraces Renjun's cold, naked body. He buries his face in his hair and holds him like this, unmoving and silent. 

It feels good. But it doesn't last forever. Because Jeno lets go and picks up the clothes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He doesn't say a word, but when he looks at Renjun there's pain in his eyes. He is damned to be lonely. Damned to be left by the people he loves. That's what Renjun can read from his expression. And as much as he wants to tell him otherwise, as much as he wants to be the one to stay with him, he can't. He carefully takes Jeno's hand in his own and lifts it to his lips, softly pressing a kiss to his fingers. 

Then, he turns to the door, but before he can really leave, Jeno says something. Clear, but with a shaky voice. 

“ _I love you, too_ ” 

And it sounds so beautiful. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With the end of the war comes celebration. Jeno leaves the lighthouse for good. After two years of working there alone, he's happy to return to land and get himself a new job. He starts working in a bakery, then he's a waiter for another two and a half years. And then he meets a woman, gets married, buys a house. But the marriage only lasts for three years. Jeno is unhappy through it all. So he starts drowning himself in work again. And he meets people he never talks to. Meets a man and tries to let himself be happy again during their secret rendezvous, in their hidden places to meet up. It works for a bit. But only a bit. 

Jeno feels more lonely than he ever has before. So, divorced, single and in the age to have a family and raise his own children he returns to the lighthouse again.

“Sir, I wouldn't go there if I were you,” A boy tells him at the pier and looks at Jeno with wide eyes. “They say creatures from the sea gather there to sing and lure boats and ships in until they sink”

Jeno raises a brow and scoffs. “I don't believe in such things. They don't exist. There's nothing to be afraid of out there,” He murmurs. “You think those stories are true, kid?”

“I do! My dad saw one, I swear! He said the creature looked like a man with seashells in his hair, black eyes and pale skin. He spotted him near the lighthouse in the water. It's not a safe place, sir” 

Not a safe place. Jeno knows better. But he doesn't say anything, just getting into his old boat, swaying on the water. 

“Will you tell me if you see a creature??,” the boy yells as Jeno already steers towards the lighthouse. And he only smiles and gives him a thumbs up. 

Nothing has changed. There's dust on the floor, dust on his bed and dust on the shelf. The small shell on his shelf is gone. Jeno took it with him when he left. As a precious memory. Though it hurts everytime he looks at it. It's time now to put it back, so he pulls the shimmering shell out of his pocket, where it has been sitting in safely. For the first time in years he doesn't feel sad when he thinks about Renjun. With a smile on his lips, he places the mussel into the dust. Then he leaves the bedroom, walking down the stairs. 

He can't stay in this lighthouse. He doesn't want to. But at the same time there's this temptation that pulls him to walk back outside, go up the metal stairs with the wind pulling on his thick, black hair. The weather is cold and harsh, but Jeno's been born in it. Grew up in the heart of the storm, lightning meeting water, wild and untamed waves fighting a war only nature could win. 

When Jeno stands up there, hands on the railing, staring at the ocean, he feels like he has all the power of the world. He feels like he's young again, heart racing and chest swelling. But he is still lonely. Lonely and longing for love. And just as the thought strikes his mind, he spots something moving in the water. 

There are two men looking up to him. One is smiling brightly, his black hair grown out, shells now braided into his hair. The other looks like he's close to tears, the crown on his head so pretty and yet he takes it off when he looks at Jeno. He hasn't changed a bit. His features still soft and delicate, eyes pitch black and deep. 

And when Jaemin waves at him and Renjun calls his name, Jeno wants to stay forever. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you don't like this part, don't force yourself to. I wrote it because I liked the idea of a somewhat realistic ending.   
> Renjun has duties and Jeno struggles with himself a lot. Both are imperfect characters, but that's the beauty of imagination. What I wrote is what came to my mind, not what other people wanted to hear.  
> I wrote a somewhat open ending on purpose, because literally anything could happen now. The possibilities are endless.   
> If you need to hear it from me though, yes, Jeno finally meets his loved ones again.   
> Everything else falls into the hands of pure imagination once again. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who was so invested in this fic. I love my readers a lot and I appreciate every hit, every kudo and every comment.


End file.
